2AM on a Tuesday
It’s 2am as I’m typing this and I’m trying to muster up the courage to do something that has been on my to-do list for way too long.
◯ Get out of your comfort zone
It hasn’t been on my literal to-do list (yes I have a daily one heh, it keeps me sane), but moreso a mental “do it, do it” my subconscious likes to chant from time to time. And the ‘do it’ can mean so many things - because my comfort zone is a very cozy place to be in many instances of course - but in this moment it means putting myself out there. Being vulnerable, being open. Being real. Which is strange to say as someone whose entire brand is being real. But hear me out, there’s being real in a one-on-one setting, eyes locked, chemistry brewing, soft music in the background. Maybe I just said something silly so you laughed, and then your laugh made me giggle... that’s a walk in the park. The moment is practically begging us to open up. But then there’s being real online.
I say this as someone who doesn’t really have a ‘personal’ social media. Who doesn’t comment on posts even on my Nikita IG (unless it’s to support a fellow provider). When I’m on Reddit, I lurk. On the Facebook I’ve had since I was 13, I’ve made 2 posts. On X, I’m a chronic re-tweeter, not tweeter. It’s almost like existing in real life is okay, but online it’s terrifying. It’s not why I’m a face-in provider but as I’m typing this I’m realizing it definitely suits me.
Anyway, heh I’m veering off course. I wanted to finally put myself out there online, and I think this is the best way to do it - in a semi-safe space - so I’m starting a blog. I think it’ll help me grow as a person, and it’ll help you get a sense of who I am (and you know, inevitably fall in love of course *innocent eyelash flutters*). Although it used to be one of the only things that brought me joy, I haven’t written in so long. I only ever wrote about sad things when I was a teenager and life sucked. It was the only way to feel better. I’m incredibly excited at the thought of returning to it, it’s like stepping into my apartment after weeks away. An instantaneous and familiar comfort, but since I’m no longer a sad teenager haha, I looked for tips online (because you don’t just start a blog without an iota of research, you know) and one of the most helpful things I found was to:
“Open a blank page and write like you’re leaving a note on a friend’s pillow”
And that is so me. Not to mention it makes the whole thing feel a little less intimidating. I’m not putting myself out there to be potentially harshly judged by many. I’m just… writing a note to a friend, right? I think I’ll really enjoy writing the notes to come, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading them.
Until next time friend xx